Tara's story:

Having a truly awful time at the moment. Basically I'm being dragged through courts after 5 years of his absence, and it's tearing me apart. He was very abusive and never wanted a child. He was obsessed with me but he never wanted anything to do with Luke.

Anyway he was violent and also very mentally abusive towards me during the time I knew him, but it all had a ring of obsessiveness about it.

I had fallen pregnant after just 3 weeks of knowing him - (I know that sounds bad, I was young and silly) so thought I'd better stay with him. He became abusive quite quickly, but not really properly physical until after I'd given birth - more threats and items thrown while I was pregnant, but then when I'd given birth it got really bad, he had no problem with hurting me whilst Luke was in my arms, it was as if he became possessed or something, it always was so unpredictable.

He had a knife on me on one occasion and locked me in the house for quite a long time on another.
There were lots of different things over the short time I was with him (about a year). I won't go into all the gory details, but you get the picture.

While I was pregnant my granddad died, but just before he passed he gave me an envelope containing £1,000 to start up a savings account for the baby, as his will wouldn't go through until his wife passed, and he knew he was going to die but wanted to do something for my baby. Anyway, I hid the envelope in one of my old photo albums, in a box, under the bed. I hid it really well as I didn't trust my partner because he was terrible with money - he never bought the baby a single thing either when I was pregnant or when he was born, not even a packet of nappies, and he used to take money out of my purse each morning (I hid most of my money but always left £5 as I knew he would hit the roof if there was nothing for him). Anyway, one day when Luke was about 2 months old I went to get the envelope to take it to the bank, and when I got there the envelope was empty. And that was the last straw, that was the day I properly left - from all the things and all the fear something hit me that day, like, you can hurt me but to steal from my baby and my dead granddad is too far.

Something properly clicked and I thought enough is enough if you're going to kill me then do so but I have got to get my child out of here. I packed up our things and went to my mum's.

After I had left, he didn't want to see Luke at all. I tried my best to do the right thing and arranged for my mum to take the baby to meet, but he never turned up, and instead whilst he knew I was home alone he would turn up on my mum's doorstep trying to break the door down, and occasionally just standing at the gate or across the road watching the house.

I phoned the police so many times over the next two months, he stalked me quite badly - two months in which I didn't leave the house, and eventually the police helped me get a new house and advised me to spread the word that I had moved out of the area.

For about the next two years I was frightened of venturing out on my own or with Luke, and still to this day there are certain places that I refuse to go. So so scary.

Anyway, as the police advised I spread word that I had moved (my sister lived in Manchester at the time, I told everybody I was going there and cut pretty much everybody out of my life and started again.)

That was pretty much the end of that. He stopped stalking my mum's house and we didn't hear anything again. Oh there was the odd midnight phone call which my parents received, but only about once a month and that died down.

Then about a year ago, somebody turned up on my mum's doorstep with a court order, demanding my parents go to court and tell them where I live.

So they had to do that, and then I got lots of court orders. About the same week as my first court order I had a fall and went to hospital - they kept me in for 3 weeks, and it turns out I have a shadow on my brain, which they are 90% sure is a brain tumour, but cannot go in and check as it's the centre of my brain.

So my doctors wrote to the courts and told them that I was not well enough to attend and they must put it off until I was in a better situation to be able to deal with it.

Anyway, I actually did go to court about 2 months ago, and I found it so stressful, I collapsed in the court room when he walked in, as I was just so frightened.

The court doesn't understand my fear of him and I am threatened with contempt of court and the possibility of prison if I don't give contact. I was willing to play the game and trust him if, and only if, he held his hands up to everything he's done and admitted it was wrong - because all anyone official says is ''people can change'', but he hasn't done that.

As he was stealing money from me when we were together and had very unpredictable moods, I had my suspicions that he was on drugs - which after I left him I was told he was heavily into. So the court ordered he take a drug test 3 MONTHS AGO, which I found out he hasn't taken.

I now have a really nice close family, a lovely home, and Luke has all the love he needs in my family and my close circle of friends whom I have picked carefully.

I can't handle any of it, I'm finding it really difficult. I worked so hard for Luke and myself, to pick up the pieces and find us a good life and move on, to make everything better, and to give my son the life, the love and the safety he so very much deserves.

Nobody seems to want to listen to me about all the bad things that happened then and the bad things I 100% believe will now happen in the future. I believe my son is still at risk.

But I have got stronger and stronger, I'm just so frustrated now - I am a strong woman. I wasn't while I was with him - I was after - but you know, we learn the hard way and women like us are possibly the strongest you will ever find, we have our moments when someone knocks us down but I'm sure we get up so much stronger than the general person ever could.

It's so scary when you see the news, so often you see children who have been murdered out of spite to the mother who has left the abusive man. I genuinely 10000% believe that he is only doing this to get at me. But people will never take that claim seriously.

Contact is meant to be starting soon and Luke doesn't want it. I couldn't make a few of the first court hearings because of this thing with my health. My ex is trying to use my medical condition against me although it hasn't affected Luke. If anything it makes his life better because I appreciate the small things so much more! I'm not ill all the time, in fact the ONLY thing that makes me ill is stress and anxiety, which is exactly what court and meeting my abuser is doing to me!